The Fate of Squash
by superchick00007
Summary: a funny collaberation of lots of stuff... R&R! flames accepted. haha


** THE FATE OF SQUASH**  
  
Once there were four pirates known as  
Lucky Jack, Bootstrap Will II, Larry, and Mr. Lunt. They had a ship called HMS Rachel-the-Bean (Jelly Bean to be exact, but _of course_, Bean just sounds so much more horrifying... can you imagine THE FANTOM **JELLY BEAN**?) She was a sturdy little boat (if you could call an oversized antique bathtub a boat), and she was on her way to Tortuga to pick up some plumbers putty to plug the drain hole, that Mr. Lunt had to sit on, in order to keep the boat from filling with water. It took three rainy days to get to Tortuga . Mr. Lunt grew very weary of sitting on the drain, so Bootstrap Will II took turns with him. They arrived at Tortuga and decided at once to check out the Inn of the Prancing Pony, because it was said to have the best rum for MILES. While they were there, they met a beautiful woman named Arwen Evenstar. She told them she was in the drain hole plugging business, so they decided to let her fix their "boat". "But you must swear to be very gentle with the old bean, because she's rather fragile!" said Lucky Jack. "It is not! It's the sturdiest boat for MILES!" said Larry. "well i say it's FRAGILE!" at this, Larry and Lucky Jack got into a fight, where Larry ended up Cucumber Squash. After the fight, Arwen pulled a box of plumbers putty out of her pocket, brandished it like a sword, and yelled, "LEAD ON! And Gimli, would you PLEASE get down from the roof!" at this everyone looked up, just in time to see a fat little person in armor weilding a large pink axe fall through the ceiling. "Hurry! Ungatt's on my tail again!" Arwen groaned, but then quickly helped Gimli to his feet, and began running. "If you've got any sense at all, you'll follow us!" she shouted over her shoulder. "But who's Ungatt?" shouted Will as he began running after all his friends. "He's a rather ugly urak-hai/troll/goblin!" Willlooked confused and stopped running. "Is that all? I can take him on!" The ground then began to shake and wobble, and Will was having a hard time keeping his ballance. He looked behind him and screamed, because heading straight for him was a tall, fat, ugly, scary beyond all reason, THING covered in slime. "Told you he was ugly!" Arwen yelled as she grabbed Will and began runnning again. SPLAT! Unforunately, Mr. Lunt hadn't been watching where he was going, and he has smacked right into a UPS truck. He was no longer the young handsome pear he used to be. He now resembled something like a summer squash. That has already been mashed. Lucky Jack screamed and stopped to pick up a peice of his former friend. "leave it!" shouted Gimli and they all hurried on. They ducked into an alley, with Ungatt fast on their heels. Arwen threw an enormous trash can at him, which made him stumble, in which time, they all piled into an empty dumpster. "Eww! it smells in here!" complained Jack, who was promptly shut up by Gimli, stuffing a pipe in his mouth. Ungatt was up on his feet. Will decided he must be at least 58 feet across his waist. "He's 58 feet across his waist do you beleive it?" whispered Arwen. CLANG! Ungatt had just bowled into a telephone pole, and he keeled over and died. "Fortunately for us, he doesn't seem to have much of a brain..." replied Gimli. Gimli screamed because he felt something icy slither around his neck. "It's just me!" said Jack. "you know, this pipe is actually quite good, but i'm sure it'd be much better with a bit of rum!" Everyone piled out of the dumpster. Suddenly Gimli screamed. A poisonous slug that had made it's home in the bottom of the empty dumpster had bitten his toe, and it was now 5,678 times it's normal size. Then he dropped dead. "Poor Gimli" said Arwen, rather unsympathetically. "But he always did eat more than his share..." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Jack. "He was a goooood soul! For the rest of my years i will remember his fair.... face?" Suddenly Jack turned blue, sputtered, and then keeled over as well. "Oh, i fogot to tell Gimli, that i had replaced his pipe with a drugged pipe! That must be what he gave Jack. Oh well. I guess his years of remembrance were few, eh?" Will looked enraged. "I'm enraged!!!!!!!" he shouted. "I challenge you, Arwen Evenstar, to a duel!" Arwen accepted, and Will began to battle with his adversary. And he quickly lost. Arwen picked up all three dead people, and shoved them into the dumpster and wiped off her hands. "Rest in peace" she muttered, then she stomped back to the Prancing Pony, waiting for another clueless victim crew who needed their drain plugged. THUS THE FATE OF THE CREW OF THE HMS RACHEL-THE-BEAN (JELLY BEAN TO BE EXACT)  
**THE END**


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